To Love...Genuinely.

“Let love be genuine."-Romans 12:9

Genuine.  Let love be genuine.

So many times I’ll love selfishly - only doing something that seems kind or good, because it will benefit me.  I’ll only want to love someone, truly love them, if they’ll give me love in return.  Or, I’ll not truly love someone because it’s too hard to.  They’re too hard to love, I’ll tell myself.  But really, I’m pretty hard to love myself. 

If I truly loved as Christ loves us, then my whole outlook would change.  Instead of worrying about random this or random that while talking to someone, I’d switch from talking to listening - with both ears.  I’d ask about their week, I’d be sincere, I’d cry when they cried and laughed when they laughed.  I’d love them, truly, completely - genuinely.  

It means I’d pray for them constantly.  It means that I would ask them about their faith, their Bible time, their relationship with God.  With God’s help, I’d encourage them - pointing them towards Him.  I wouldn’t compare, wouldn’t judge, wouldn’t be too harsh.  I’d love them as Christ loves us - completely.  I’d forgive instantly and never hold grudges.  I’d “bear their burdens" with them.  I’d show them I was there for them - that God was there for them.  

I wouldn’t be fearful, or nervous, because my goal would not be “how does this make me look?", but "how does this look to God?"

With God’s help I can.  And it’s because He loves me, that I can love them.  Perfectly, completely, fully, trustingly, wholly…

…genuinely.  

Growing

It’s so weird this growing up thing.  

I remember when I was young that I always talked about being big and getting older and how such-and-such age was soooo old and how I’d be so wise. 

But really, I remember as a young girl thinking, “when I’m older, everything will become so much simpler."  In fact, I had my whole life planned out: it was all so simple in my mind.  Hey, seven-year olds totally have a realistic view on the world, the future, and everything in-between, right?

I’m curious though, why does it seem to be so hard?  Is it because I can’t plan every little detail down to every little moment of every little day?  Is it because life is just crazy and unpredictable?

Or is it because of me?  

It seems like every second I have to fight against my flesh and my sin and my desires in order to just live.  I can’t just conquer one sin, then move onto the next, conquer that one, and keep conquering until I’m almost perfect.  I can’t be perfect of course, only Jesus can be.  

Only Jesus can be.  Hmm. 

I didn’t expect to lose my Papaw at sixteen.  I didn’t expect to start college at sixteen.  I didn’t expect to feel overwhelmed with the simple everyday actions and things that come and go.  I didn’t expect to feel lost and lonely and sad and hurt and torn.  Those feelings were for other people, right?  Or for all those people in the movies?  But of course, that was always deceptive…it almost always turned out right.  And sometimes, you even knew the end before the story was even close to being over.  

So then why can’t I see my own story?  Why can’t I just see and remember and know that GOD IS IN CONTROL.  And that I’m not.  This knowledge just keeps getting stuck up in my brain - just sitting tight until I remember that one random day that, oh yeah!, He’s in control.  But why can’t I just know all the time?  So many times questions like these just swirl around and around in my head.  I long for peace, but I’m too selfish to accept it from the One who gives it.  Why? Why…WHY!

I feel old.  Even if not physically, mentally I feel forty years older than I really am.  But yet, I also feel terribly young: young in faith, and young in character.

I need God’s help so often.  And I need His help to ask for His help.  That seems so ironic, but yet, if I didn’t have His help to ask for His help, I’d rely on MY help to get me through my life.  And that won’t work.  Only Him.  Only God.